Welcome to the show. It is I, your humble narrator Susie and I am here to tell you about this week’s episode, as well as things beyond. It is Halloween season and I am watching a scary movie or campy movie every single day in the month of October. If you’re listening to this the day it comes out, today’s movie is Breaking Dawn Part 1. For the rest of the week we have Get out, Friday the Thirteenth, the Shining, Scooby Doo (the one with Sarah Michelle Geller) and a Quiet Place on Sunday. So that’s your assignment for this week. That calendar is available is available at Nermer Nermer on Instagram and it’s available on our Patreon, which I will tell you more about later. This week we are talking about, among other things, celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. In the past year or so I’ve come to love him and in the past four months or so, I’ve gotten Alexis on board with. If you have controversial opinions about Gordon Ramsay, this is a safe space for you. If you think Gordon Ramsay is toxic, you’re probably correct and on top of that, I’d like to note that I finished Infinite Jest this week. So. Toxic is as toxic does. Happy Halloween month. Happy New Year. Enjoy the episode.

Gwyneth Paltrow: You’re listening to Jawbreakers, hosted by the Pittsburgh area’s top trend forecasters Alexis and Susie. Grab some candy and pull up a seat near a loud railroad track and get ready for pop culture news so fake, you’ll have to wonder if they’re lying.
Susie: Jojo we feel old because you were born in 2003. You weren’t even alive when 9/11 happened.
Alexis: They’re officially banning Juul.
Susie: That’s worse than Roe v Wade. But it’s not.
Buzz Lightyear has a punisher sticker that has a blue line in it.
No, but he’s gay.
He’s gay?!
Yeah, that’s why I asked if you wanted to watch it for pride month.
Ooo miniature golf! Laser tag, oh yeah!

Do you want me to tell you the story of how I bought these?
Yeah, please.
So I personally went to a country club.
Mhm.
And I said “do you guys have any candy?” And they said “No! This is a country club!”
Okay.
After that I went to Walgreens and I found this Brach’s funfetti candy corn.
Brach’s?
How do you say it?
It’s gotta be Brock’s.
Brocks?
It’s gotta be Brock’s. There’s no way it’s Brach’s.
Am I the first person you’ve ever heard say Brach’s?
I don’t think I’ve ever heard many people say it but I really don’t think it’s Bratch’s.
Why wouldn’t it be Bratch?
I feel like there would be a -tch if it was Bratch.
Yeah but what about…
Brock Turner?
Yeah.
That’s spelt different.
I’m trying to think of a word with -atch without a T but all I can think of is latch, which has a T.
Dratch has a T.
But like the lock ness monster has a -ch.
You mean the lochness monster?
Are there dinosaurs on that shirt of yours?
No, it’s all fishing stuff.
Did you all know Susie loves dinosaurs?
I love dinosaurs. I’m a big fan of particularly… dinosaurs. Yeah.
I literally… Up until you bought that dinosaur squishmallow, I genuinely if someone asked “Does Susie believe in dinosaurs” I wouldn’t have an answer.
I also feel like I like dinosaurs and I feel like I’ve brought them up a few times and you’ve never had anything to say.
I’m kind of indifferent. Like Jurassic Park doesn’t really…
…do it for you. None of them?
I mean sure, the first one’s a movie.
Jurassic World doesn’t count. No, but the regular Jurrasic Park. It’s a movie.
Have you been on the Jurassic Park ride at Universal Studios?
I have.
And? You didn’t feel anything?
I mean. It’s a ride.
You felt nothing.
I chose the squishmallow based on the color.
What was the color?
It’s yellow and it has blue spines. It’s like a stegosaurus or something so it has the little back paddles. But it’s yellow and blue and I thought that was cute. Because I have butterfly stuff and greens in my room.
Uh huh.
So I thought it would be cute. And the other options were like rainbow like a fucking rainbow llama or like a pastel rainbow. Or like there was there was a latte.
Right right right. Which sounds like you.
A peppermint latte. Right except that it had a crazy Christmas bow on it.
You couldn’t… Christmas bow?
Yeah, I didn’t want a Christmas latte. If it was a regular latte and it was just brown and white, I would have gotten it.
Instead I got a dinosaur Squishmallow.
But if the dinosaur Squishmallow had been dinosaur colored, I probably wouldn’t have gotten it.
Like green?
Sand color. And scaly. I wouldn’t have gotten it.
So now you know.
Uhm did you see any Squish…
Bratch’s.
(Laughter)
So, how did you type?
Bratch’s
How did you type it in? Did you spell it normal or?
This is a Youtube video called “how do you pronounce Brach’s”
Is it actually Bratch’s?
Okay so there’s, I don’t know if this is the best video to use. There’s 2700 views. 3 comments. First one says “incorrect.” Second one says “it’s pronounced Brach’s” and the third one says “I love this video!!!”
And you just left the third comment.
Uhm. Google says b-r-a-colon-k-s which I think means Brocks.
Let’s watch a commercial.
Old fashioned candy store candy. Brocks hold the secret to old fashioned candy store candy.
Yeah, Brach’s.
Brach’s makes chocolate? I wouldn’t eat a Brach’s chocolate. I didn’t know they made anything other than candy corn.
Wow that candy looks so fucking good.
Laughter.
Oh my god I want that. But instead all I have is this funfetti candy corn.
Yeah, let’s take a bite.
Do you like candy corn?
Yeah I do.
I know we probably talk about this every year since we had the podcast but do you get the autumn mix? Do you get the normal candy corn? Do you get just the pumpkins?
Uhhm I like the pumpkins. I’ll get a just the pumpkins. Autumn mix, don’t love because I don’t love the brown-tip candy corn. Don’t know why.
I love the brown-tip candy corn. It’s too far out of left field for me.
It’s like chocolate! Right, exactly. If I’m gonna eat chocolate, I’d rather eat chocolate, not chocolate flavored candy corn.
These are crazy. They look like they have confetti on them.
I can’t believe you’d get the just the pumpkin ones. Those ones are insane.
You don’t like the pumpkin ones?
I like them in the autumn mix but I can’t eat them like. Wow this tastes like birthday cake. Wow yeah. This tastes almost as birthday cakey as that Birthday Cake flavored Danimal you got.
Uh huh. That’s exactly what I was thinking about. I bought Danimals and I didn’t realize half the.. No, I think I knew. But I wanted the ones with Woody on them from Toy Story. But Woody from Toy Story only had half strawberry and half birthday cake flavor and every fucking Danimal I grabbed was birthday cake flavor.
These are kinda nauseating. I just can’t stop thinking about that Danimal. And I’m eating a candy corn.
I feel like these would look really cute in a bowl. I think they would too. I feel like I could see them at a Jojo Siwa party. Cus they have like… I expect like. Like funfetti isn’t actually confetti when it’s cake. Like it doesn’t look like confetti, it looks like sprinkles.
Mhm.
I expected this to be more sprinkle looking but it looks like bits of confetti are on it. Then the gradient is like light pink to light yellow to white. So it’s very aesthetic. Yeah. The confetti actually does look kinda cool. I feel like this would be so cute in a photo.
Do you like candy corn?
Yeah.
If you could eat it all year round would you?
No.
Do you like peeps?
No.
Not even during easter?
No.
I love peeps. I love all shapes of peeps. I like the bunny. I don’t really… the duck peeps are a lot for me. You base the differences on the shape and not the flavor?
There’s flavors?
I’m pretty sure the different colors are different flavors, right?
But I like when they have peeps during different times of year. The orange ones. Like when they have pumpkin ones I get stoked.
That’s disgusting.
What do you mean peeps are disgusting? Cause they’re gross. They’re like if a marshmallow was even grosser. It’s just a marshmallow. How could they make it grosser?
Well I don’t really like marshmallows. Do you like smores? I tolerate smores at this point.
You’ve been to a lot of camps.
At Girl Scout camp I would get just the chocolate and the cracker.
That’s so stupid.
That’s what I was doing. I didn’t want a marshmallow!
Do you like cotton candy? Yeah, I like cotton candy. That doesn’t make any sense.
Do you like..
Oh they make cake flavored Peeps! I don’t want that. If you think that’s what I want, you’re wrong.
Hello, Ryuk.
Gingerbread flavored peeps. I also don’t want that.
Chocolate mousse flavored peep. I would try that.
Fruit punch flavored peep. Mm I’ll have one but I don’t want a whole pack.
Root beer float flavored peep. Mm no. I’ll have one but I don’t want the whole pack.
Sour watermelon peep. I’ll buy a pack of that.
Blue raspberry peep. Oh, def.
Cotton candy peep. Not interested. I’ll have it. But I don’t want the whole pack.
Pancake and syrup peep. I feel like it’s gonna be so syrupy. Yeah. It sounds disgusting.
Or it’s really weird and it’s pancakey.
It’s like not sweet. Yeah. Just buttery.
(Laughter)
Chocolate covered classic peep. Oh, I’ve had one of those.
Hey, Easter bunny, if you’re reading this, we wouldn’t mind a few extra! Of the chocolate… msn.com said that. How do you like that cat?
Why is she letting me do this? That’s how she sits. Is this how she likes to be pet? Yeah. Getting a noogie, yeah.
Okay yeah. Did you hear about the Beyond Meat guy? Vaguely. He like got in a car accident and then bit off the other guy’s nose. Why did he bite off his nose? I don’t know but that’s also like the least vegan way of reacting I can possibly think of. Right. Like do you think he’s just deprived of meat?
So he bit off some guy’s… did the guy start biting him first? Like how did he get to his nose? Cause I feel like it’s not the first thing to happen when you get out of your car.
Let me google Beyond Meat guy.
His name is Doug Ramsay. He is the chief operating officer at Beyond Meat. He is accused of biting a man’s nose following a fight after an Arkansas football game. Oh, was he drunk? He punched through the back windshield of a Subaru. (laughs) Then pulled the driver in close, started punching him, and then he bit his nose. Did he bite it off? He bit off the tip.
And then what? He just went home?
Then it looks like… So the other guy hit him or something, right? Hit the tire of his Bronco. Did he get arrested? Yeah, he got arrested for battery, third degree battery, and terroristic threatening.
Looks like a guy who would go to an Arkansas football game and then bite someone’s nose off. Right, he doesn’t look like the COO of Beyond Meat though. Right, that’s where I’m confused. He doesn’t work. Didn’t they like fire him or something? They put him on suspension.
Would you suspend an employee who bit someone’s nose?
At work? No, it happened off the clock. They were at a football game. If it was just some like…
I guess this guy was the COO. Yeah, and it’s also like very against… yeah… what they do, ya know?
Did you hear about the Patagonia guy? He’s not a billionaire anymore because he donated money? Love that guy. Yeah. He’s always been on the right side of things. I’m gonna fuckin jinx the fuck out of him for saying that. Didn’t he like set it up for climate change or something? He did something good with the money. He did something good with it. But also the last time I heard from him he did.. I used to be really into How It’s Made. And his episode was in 2015 or something. And he was talking about how they started out as a clothing repair business and he’s really annoyed by people who follow the trends of the company and buy the new outfits when they already have outfits. Yeah. He’s like stop buying new clothes, your old clothes work fine. We make really good clothes. They don’t wear out. So don’t buy new ones.
Hm. I was like that’s so counterintuitive, thank you sir. Yeah, he’s a good guy, he seems like it.
Have you seen the Try Guys drama today? One of them is cheating. Yeah. I saw a pie graph of… no it was two guys shaking hands and it was the try guy and Adam Levine and then it was like “making a career off of loving your wife and then cheating on her.”
Everyone’s saying that the guy who cheated made his entire personality “I love my wife” is he the one who did… the Try Guys are like YouTube group right? Is he the one who had… he pretended to be in labor? Or like did a pain generator because his wife was in labor? What a nice guy. What a nice guy.
There are a bunch of memes. It’s so sad. It is sad there’s memes that were like the Try Guys Try Adultery. And then when it got confirmed, well the Try Guys kicked him out. They fired him! They were like, Ned’s no longer a Try Guy after thorough investigation we cannot move forward with him. And everyone’s like wow, those boys just kicked him out for cheating on his wife. Honestly? Good. Like they’re pretty clean, they have a clean record. Clean dudes. They do..
Oh, it’s this one. Yep, of course it’s that one. Awkward. I thought it was gonna be this one. You thought it was gonna be him? I guess. That guy does not have a child. That guy’s gay. Are you saying gay people can’t have children? Cause they can. Well his wife didn’t go into labor.
Also, he doesn’t have a wife, he’s gay. Also, I watched his whole coming out video. I cried. It’s one of the only Try Guys videos I’ve seen.
He has a coming out video? What?
I’m not like a big… I know everything I just said in the last two minutes sounds like I’m a big Try Guy head. What’s that one’s name? Eugene. Okay wait. Eugene. Coming Out. He does like a dance for every stripe of the rainbow flag. This has twenty million views–you never seen it? I’m not one of those views. It’s crazy. He does like a whole family thing then it cuts to orange then yellow then. He does like a whole thing. Wow.
He got the Try Guys to help him do it. Raised $150,000 for the Trevor Project on this video. Aw. Also all of the wives have a podcast or something I think. Do you think they’re gonna have a big listenership this week? Yeah. Maybe just like don’t I don’t know. Or like. Yeah. If you’re gonna cheat or something, talk to your wife first so it’s not like a thing. Yeah.
Oh, Rhianna’s gonna play the SuperBowl. Apparently it’s pronounced Rhianna. I just found out like 30 minutes ago. I thought we used to say Rhianna and they said no it’s Rhianna. As of today it’s Rhianna. I could have sworn that’s what happened. Apparently it’s Rhianna. Says who? Rhianna.
I saw a clip of her saying that. Hm. Anyways. SuperBowl. Rhianna. Hm. Who do you think else is gonna be there? Just her? No. Under her umbrella? What if it rains? Does the SuperBowl have a roof? Are you saying Jay Z is gonna be there? Only if it rains.
Oh then if Jay Z’s gonna be there, do you think… has Beyonce done a SuperBowl Halftime yet? Yeah. 2016. Beyonce slay at the 50th SuperBowl with Coldplay and Bruno Mars. Does that mean Rhianna’s gonna have a new album? That’s the very first headline. Does Rhianna’s Superbowl halftime performance mean a tour is coming? Well isn’t she the one that’s like… people have been asking for a new album for like a decade and yeah, she just hasn’t. Yeah. Apparently Taylor Swift said no. Why, is she busy? Right, does she have plans that day? That’s stupid. Nobody wants her there. She’s not even invited. You have a bad reputation. I saw an interview with Yung Gravy I can’t stop thinking about. OK. Because I think he was lying. He said that in his most recent hit “Betty” he has the line “something something blow her back out” and he had been asked to be like less vulgar so that his songs could play on the radio and he said in the interview that the producers, the old man producers at the top heard the song and didn’t know that “blow your back out” was a sexual reference so they let it through. Does that sound right to you? That sounds wrong to me. I don’t think they’re stupid. It doesn’t sound like a non-violent act anyway, even if they don’t know it’s sex. It has to be. Something. Hm. Hello from the editing room, I have even more to say about this that I did not say when we were originally recording. First of all, when Post Malone said something like “push down on her spine blow her back out” mand a shotgun sound rang out in that Saweetie song tap in when he’s featured, that is disgusting. That is my least favorite Post Malone lyric of all time. What? You know what you’re saying when you pair it with a fucking gun shell emptying. What are you doing? It’s clearly a violent thing to do to someone. To blow out their back. Blowing out your back is not safe. It kind of reminds me of when “smash” as a term for sex started getting popular. I was really grossed out. Eventually I got used to it. I wish I didn’t though because that’s also disgusting because why are you destroying the other person and why is it always the woman getting destroyed in these scenarios?
A real life, though strange, example of why language matters in cases like this is there’s an adult performer/Twitch streamer called Adriana Chechik who was at Twitchcon this last week and she did some sort of fun little game where you stand on pegs and push each other over with some big stick and there was a foam pit beneath. She fell during that game. She actually won, I think, and then jumped into the foam pit which turned out to not be that deep and she broke her back and then replies on Twitter are all some variation of a joke about her blowing her back out. Oh well ya know, it didn’t matter when she had 16 guys blah blah blah because she’s a really well known, really prolific adult entertainer. And everyone’s making the blow-her-back-out joke about Adriana Chechik who literally broke her spine in two places at this Twitch thing. There was very few replies that were like oh, I feel bad. I’m glad we’re not joking about this. Because everyone was just making the joke. And. People felt like, because she was an adult performer who quote-unquote had her back blown out every day as her job, that it was like ope well this is no different. A lot of people (we’ll not speculate on how much these people influence the world around them) there are a lot of people who are dismissing her actual spinal injury because of her being a slut, basically. So let’s not. I just. Ya know. It’s like oh, well people aren’t actually going to confuse violence or injury with sexual acts. Well they do when they’re joking on Twitter. I don’t know how much Twitter impacts the rest of the world but when I saw that I thought okay, yeah this is why I have problems with this actual phrase. You can’t. A spinal injury is a serious, serious injury. Everyone knows that. Why are you joking about doing it to people. As sex. What the fuck. And I was thinking about it because when Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion did WAP at the SuperBowl, they muted things like “park the big Mac truck in my little garage” they bleeped that. Did I say SuperBowl? What did I mean? The Grammy’s. I’m pretty sure.
Like I’m pretty sure. They know what’s going on. These people aren’t stupid. Right. Like maybe they thought yeah, Yung Gravy can get away with this. But that’s a different thing than not knowing what it means. Right.
Like they might have given him a pass. And been like at least he didn’t say fuck.
Hm.
Right? Do you think he’s lying?
I don’t know. I just don’t believe him. I feel like they should know. It’s pretty…
Plus, they have Google. Like. Right. If they were actually fact checking his song.
But maybe they were just sick of his shit, whatever it’s fine.
Right I feel like it was more likely that. Yeah. But he was like haha I got through because they didn’t notice this was a bulgar thing.
I don’t think that’s true. I’m calling bullshit on Yung Gravy right now. You’re full of shit. Also your lyrics sound like they were written by a toddler.
Are you gonna say that to his face? I would say that to his face.
Do you like Yung Gravy?
I do but I feel like… he doesn’t get criticism that other people doing exactly what he’s doing do. I just want it to be fair. Like who? Like how on TikTok everybody is making fun of that genre of TikTok music that’s like just naming off nursery rhymes and Yung Gravy’s out here like “alacadoodle-doo suck my dick.” Ya know? Right. I think he’s full of shit. I just want us to all see that. All agree and like. Yeah. And that you don’t hate him, because he’s tall and skinny and white.
I don’t know why people don’t hate him.
I think they should.
I feel like if they were being honest, they would. Right. Or alternatively, they could stop hating everyone else. THose are your options.
But people have a Yung Gravy double standard and I’m here to end it. If Yung Gravy was 5’6”, how would you react? I don’t think he would make it. No. People wouldn’t think he was hot.
This was the same interview that he was talking about how he loves milfs because he had a very enlightening sexual experience as a high schooler. And I was like… excuse me, sir? What happened when you were a high schooler? And then everyone in the room was like yeeeah! Bro! Love that! So anyways. That too. A double standard even against him.
Didn’t he also like have to pay someone off for his name? And he also had a big fiasco because he went to some award show with Addison Rae’s mom. Yeah. After holding a TikTok contest to see which of his followers moms he should. And then Addison Rae conveniently won. And then Addison Rae’s dad was like “let’s fight.” So it’s all stupid. It’s a bunch of stupid garbage. But anyways. I was just driving earlier and I saw a Mac truck and I thought of Cardi B and then I thought huh, was? A Mac truck? Yeah, cause park the big Mac truck in my little garage. And then I thought Yung Gravy’s a liar. He’s a phony. Right. Because if they can, if they’re gonna bleep… cause I thought they were kind of pushing it when they bleeped that. That truck line. Yeah. Like we know what it means but it’s a line about a truck. Let’s get real here. And blow her back out sounds so vulgar. It’s so vulgar. If you’ve ever said that to someone, you need to unfollow this show.
Yeah, what else.
Oh, do you want to talk about Gordon Ramsay?
Yeah, we can talk about Gordon Ramsay. Pull up his wiki. Feet. (laughs)
Ew, do you think he’s on WikiFeet? Uh you know what I do know though. What? Is that he wears nothing underneath that chef’s coat. That is insane. I will never get over that. In Kitchen Nightmares he’ll be shirtless and then he’ll throw a coat on. It’s crazy. Dude no one does that. No one! Everyone wears something under there.
Who the fuck is Tana Ramsay? Is on wikifeet! But he’s not! That’s so rude!
His daughter was born in 74? Is that right? No that must be his birthday… when the fuck? There’s no way his daughter is born in 74. Maybe that’s his wife? Wait, you don’t think it’s his wife? The picture looked weird. That was why I said daughter. Probably his wife. Also, why would I know his wife’s name? I would never Google her. She has nothing to do with me. Yeah, we’re rivals. She’s with my man.
Tana Ramsay is his wife. So his birthday is November 8th 1966. Sixteen Michelin stars. Total. Currently has 7. How do you get a Michelin star? Wait… sixteen total, only seven right now? Yeah. Did he have shops that closed? How do you lose a Michelin star? I have no idea. You misplace it? I thought it was like a Grammy. Like you always have it even if you accidentally throw it out.
Break.
This episode (and every episode) is brought to you by listeners like you. This week, I am highlighting a comment from Samantha, who already listened to the episode. You get episodes early on Patreon and she says “you can lose a Michelin star by getting judged and if you lose on these factors: quality of ingredients, skill and preparation and the combination of flavors, level of creativity, value for money, consistency of culinary standards.” She apparently learned this from attaining a degree in hospitality and management. So. It’s, according to her, apparently pretty secretive but that’s how you lose a Michelin star. If you want to hear episodes early, if you want weekly wallpapers for your cell phone, if you want other little digital downloads when they come up or updates on the show as they happen, then please become a patron. It’s patreon.com/nermernermer. You can… like I just said. Those are the main perks. If you want a more direct line of communication, if you want to support us financially, this show would not be possible without patrons and we appreciate them so much so thank you for that, Sam, and here’s the rest of the episode.
Break
He’s from Scotland. He’s Scotish.
His television shows are… are you ready? Yeah.
Boiling Point, Kitchen Nightmares, Gordon Behind Bars, Gordon Ramsay’s Bank Balance, Gordon Ramsay cook along live, Gordon Ramsay’s home cooking, Gordon Ramsay’s ultimate cookery course, Gordon Ramsay’s 24 hours to hell and back, Gordon Ramsay’s uncharted, Gordon’s Great Escape, Hell’s Kitchen UK, Hell’s Kitchen US, Hotel Hell, MasterChef US, MasterChef Junior, Next Level Chef, Ramsay’s Best Kitchen, Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, The F Word UK, The F Word Us.
Uhm what was the one behind bars?
Gordon Behind Bars is a British television series in which Gordon Ramsay teaches inmates of Brixton prison how to cook. It was broadcast in four episodes. I want to watch that. Bad Boys Bakery. They made a business. Aw. They sold lemon treacle tart.
That’s so cute. Oh my god, the contestant… there’s like a contestants tab and it has their fucking conviction on it. It was their name and the very first thing is what they did. Commercial burglary, robbery, burglary, possession of a firearm without a license, wow, this guy just had actual bodily harm. Safety issues? During the filming of the program, there were incidents where a fight would break out. Ramsay has stated, “I was standing close by one bloke with another opposite me and then this guy lunged over and went to headbutt him. I had to sort it out.” Ramsay’s wife was also concerned about his safety and instructed him to take self defense classes. He pitched an idea of an American version to Fox broadcasting and they said no because they already had too much Gordon Ramsay on the air. Oh my gosh. Which… is fair. That was a long list. That’s a lot of shows dude.
Is Boiling Point… there was an MTV prank show called Boiling Point. It was his first mass exposure of Gordon Ramsay to television audiences, revealing his highly driven, impatient, hot-tempered personality which has become his trademark. I don’t think it’s a prank show. It’s just about setting up a restaurant. Sounds about right. In the late 90s. Ramsay’s television appearances are defined by his bluntness, fiery temper, strict demeanor, and his frequent use of profanity.
How does this man have time to cuss on television and also cook? And also have a family? Does he… on so many shows, first of all. Like how does he have time to make that many shows. They overlap. Does he cook at home? And he makes TikToks? Someone’s lying. He must be working out because every season of hell’s kitchen they provide him with an opportunity to show his athletic prowess for some reason. They’ll be like “now you’re all going paintballing” and then Gordon Ramsay like runs faster, is stronger. Yeah. Why? We don’t know. Yeah. He’s done a few marathons. He rides a motorcycle too. Which you have to be strong to do, everyone knows. And you have to know how to do it. You have to learn at some point. Right! When did he have time for that?
However, he’s not aging very gracefully so maybe he doesn’t sleep. That’s actually a good point. There was one Kitchen Nightmares where it was like it was in Upstate New York and he was like “I’m going down to the city to clear my mind and think.” And then he went to the city for the night and came back the next day with some lady chef. It was a Mexican restaurant and she was from Mexico. But he found her in New York City. They were old pals. Hm.
And then five children. Like. Presumably, his wife just raises the children? Or like a nanny if she’s busy? There’s no way he’s like going to soccer games and shit on top of all that. Cause also he’s moving around for some of these shows. They don’t all take place in Los Angeles. Do they live in LA? I imagine. Or do they live in the UK?
They gotta live in Cali, right? The man loves America. Yeah. He loves America more than most Americans love America. He’s always like “and now, we brought in 40 Afghanistan vets to try your hot dogs.” Go America. I love America. Don’t let them down. If you let them down, you literally hate your country, get out.
Oh wow, he has a book. Is it a cooking book? Does he have a tell-all? He has like… a memoir I guess. I didn’t know he had a memoir! Does he?
In his autobiography, he revealed that his father abused and neglected his children and that he was a hard drinking womanizer. He wanted to be a footballer. Aw. Gordon Ramsay… probably an asshole irl. In an actual bad way. Sometimes.
Yeah, I mean I don’t expect him to be the nicest person ever.
We always see him being nice. Sometimes. I know that sounds counterintuitive if you haven’t seen his shows but they always show him being sweet. He’s so nice. Yeah. C’mere m’darling. None of these shows would work if they didn’t show… even in Hell’s Kitchen it’s the person that he’s been yelling at for eight straight episodes. He’ll pull them aside and be like, you can do this. I know you can do this. You need to learn that you can do this. You can do this. You’re going back in there and you’re gonna finish this out. Which wouldn’t hit as hard if he wasn’t so mean to begin with.
Yeah, cause like. In Kitchen Nightmares, he’ll go scream at the owner and be like what the fuck are you doing here? And the waitress will be all stressed out and he’ll go up to her and be like “what do you need.” I’m sorry, what do you need? Ya know? I really. He’ll go up to all the line cooks and like why is this not working? Why can’t you get through a rush? And they’ll tell him because this oven is broken. And because this person doesn’t talk. Okay! Let’s all make something together and let’s all talk and then it’s so cute.
And I haven’t seen MasterChef junior but the clips I’ve seen of it seem really cute. I’m sure he’s really nice to the MasterChef junior kids, right? Yeah. I guess. The thing about that show is the clips I’ve seen are like… those kids look so annoying. Yeah I feel like the kids that get on that are… right. They come out and they’re like “I’ve been practicing my creme brulee since I was five” and you’re like ok.. Cool. I’ve never had a creme brulee. That’s fucking weird. You’re weird. I wanna bully the kids on that show. That’s why I don’t watch it. So I’m not inclined to bully them. They don’t deserve that. Right right right. So if you see one, you don’t accidentally say. Your souffle was hideous. I don’t give a fuck if you’re ten. Ya know? That’s what I would say to them.
Do you watch MasterChef Senior? I’ve seen some MasterChef Senior. I’ve seen the season where the blind lady won. Is it good? Her name is Christine. Yeah, it was dope. Then later an interview with Gordon Ramsay and they asked “have you met any good people on your shows?” and he brought up Christine and I was like, I knew that season was baller. They like don’t even provide her with help. They really fuck her over the whole show and they just assume she’s gonna get knocked off at some point but no. She’s a genius. Does she have her own restaurant now? What do you get on MasterChef? You get a cookbook. You get a cookbook? Not like a souvenir. They give you one of Gordon’s autographed cookbooks. No like you get to write a cookbook. I wonder what they give the MasterChef Junior kids. A hat.
Cause in Hell’s Kitchen you get your own kitchen. Also cause what is a kid gonna do with money or something? What’s a kid gonna do with a cookbook?
Any child between the ages 8 and 13 can apply to become a contestant on the series by going online or going to an open casting call. Once the competition is reduced to either the final two or three competitors, the finalists will compete against each other in a three course cook off. All courses of the meal are judged and an overall winner is crowned. The winner of each season wins $100,000, the MasterChef Junior Trophy, and the title of MasterChef Junior. Where does that money go? Where does the money go? That goes straight to their parents, right? Their parents are selling them. The first like multiple seasons of… now I could fact check this but I don’t feel like it. Okay.
The first like multiple seasons of Rupaul’s Drag Race, I’m pretty sure the prize money was like $10,000. And I remember the first time I watched an episode of Inked and found out that Inked was like $100,000 and I was like why the fuck… they gave Rupaul such a small ass budget for that show at first. I think now it’s up to $100,000 right but in the beginning. Wow that’s crazy. In the beginning it was like you can have a slightly used tube of lipstick and like… and a wig we found outside. That was the prize for that show. How long was it before it got like big?
Season 6, season 7 is when it started getting serious money. The first few seasons… Rupaul still shamelessly allows any advertiser on that show. But, the early seasons they were like… they were taking some weird advertisers and doing full challenges. It’d be like this is brought to you by Tyson meat or some shit and they’d do like a weird challenge. And it felt like every single thing was sponsored by somebody because they didn’t have any money.
I want to watch that Behind Bars one. Yeah I’m curious what Gordon says or does. Yeah. I’d like to see him interact.
Also, people who wanted to be… is it punishment? How did they? Who got to randomly be on TV? How much Kitchen Nightmares have you watched?
I’m like somewhere in the second season. They’re like twenty episode seasons. Gordon’s busy. I don’t understand how he does it. That means he went to 20 different restaurants. They’ve all closed.
Most of them closed before the episode even aired. That’s crazy. What is the point? If he’s not saving the restaurants?
Well most of them are just like. The last one I watched, the reason that they had closed is because the people didn’t pay their taxes. Gordon can’t make them do that. That’s true.
There’s one I think about where it was a pizza shop and he had a ridiculous menu and Gordon rewrote it and did all these changes and then as soon as Gordon left, apparently, the guy just went back to his old menu and it closed down a few months later.
What inspires someone to run a restaurant where the food isn’t good? Literally what is the point?
I don’t understand. Cause if you can’t serve good food, people don’t want to go there, and it’s a terrible business investment, and why are you doing it? Right.
Is it… I guess there’s that one guy I watched with you that was like a front for the mob or something, right? That’s right, I forgot about that guy too. He called himself like Sammy Pizza. But yeah most of them end up closing because they are literally so in debt. One of them that closed said that he was pissed, he was like Gordon owes me money. He was the one restaurant I’ve seen so far where Gordon goes and is like wow this is actually a very clean kitchen, it’s immaculate. It’s so nice in here. And then he finds a bunch of like health code shit like raw chicken. Right on top of cooked chicken and shit like that. Literally in the same pan. Oh my god.
But. That guy. Afterwards said that Gordon owed him money because I thought he was gonna come in and buy us new equipment because sometimes he’ll come in and people won’t have like any working grills or something. Yeah. And he’ll buy them new grills. But it’s only if they need it. And he was like, I thought he was gonna buy us new equipment and all this stuff. Then you should have broken a grill, or hidden a grill. I think he like got arrested.
Yeah. uh,. I was looking up some of the Hell’s Kitchen contestants and MasterChef contestants and quite a number of them are deceased. Yeah, there’s a couple Kitchen Nightmare ones that are too. There was this one Kitchen Nightmare one that is deceased but when I looked him up, for some reason, the first like 3 results were about how he had started sleeping with one of the hosts. Hosts at the restaurant? Yeah. And then I had to keep scrolling… so I’m like reading this tea, and I keep scrolling and I find out he’s dead. Why wouldn’t they put that first? Why is this coming up? It’s also back in like 2008. Which is like. A good amount of time. Some people are gonna die in that time. And restaurants would close at some point too. I feel like every town or city has like a building that the restaurant changes out every year. So he probably goes to quite a few of those. And a lot of times people just suck. They can like Gordon can fix it for a few weeks but they can’t continue it because they’re bad at their jobs and they shouldn’t run a restaurant. There was this one restaurant where this guy had had a restaurant called like Fiesta Gabriel. And then that restaurant closed down. And he opened up a new restaurant called Fiesta Sunrise. And when Gordon was eating he was eating, he was picking at the menu, there’s a sticker on this.
Do you think Gordon Ramsay is attractive?
Yes, I think he’s so hot. You?
I wish I didn’t.
You’ve been talking about him for months and I’ve never really cared and then this one day.
I understand why people don’t. Yeah. Especially if you just saw a pic. I think if you’ve never worked in a restaurant, even if you sat there and watched that show, I don’t think you’d think he’s hot.
But like in a restaurant, where you need someone. You need Gordon. You need somebody in every restaurant to be in control of the restaurant and get people on track when they’re not on track. To just throw that coat on, no matter what they got under. Nothing under. He goes a little hard. Sometimes. He says some pretty bad things. But he’s so nice. He’s also pretty nice. But on Hell’s Kitchen he does go pretty hard. I think later on he’s a little less prejudicially biased. Yeah. But earlier on he’s like if you’re a woman, you’re a bitch, if you’re fat you’re a pig. They don’t show him saying the n-word but. No one would be surprised. He’s probably said and done some really bad things. I would think so. And. Something about that. I think. I just. Just what? People like a bad boy. Yeah. He is a bad boy. He drives a motorcycle. He just walks up with his leather jacket. Yeah it doesn’t get much badder than a motorcycle. He walks into a restaurant with a leather jacket and just like fucking. And he’s like I’m the chef. You have an ugly sign. Your place is disgusting. This is the worst clam chowder I’ve had in my life. And he’s authorized to say that. He’s very experienced. I like people that are always like I’m gonna stand up to him if he calls my food bad. And then he’s like your clam chowder sucks and they get so sad. That’s my homemade clam chowder! And then he finds it in the freezer and it’s been there for a week. But we make it fresh. People carry over soup for a day.
It’s been ten days! If you say Friday one more time! At least in Kitchen Nightmares, it’s usually a different boss that’s the asshole of the kitchen and he gets to spit in that guy’s face. That guy usually deserves it. I always love that the other employees, the line cooks and the aiters and stuff, are like yes, finally. I can’t imagine. Your worst GM at a restaurant. Your worst boss. And Gordon Ramsay being like no, you’re actually shit at this. You can’t do anything right. There was one waiter that came up and he was like talking to Gordon and they were having a nice lil chat and they were joking around. Like Gordon loves chatting with the staff, and seeing how they interact with customers. Seeing ya know. That’s part of a restaurant. And the owner kept coming by and being like hey hey did you get him his drink? Did you get him this? And Gordon’s like does he always interrupt you like that? We were talking. And he’s like why? You were doing your job. But I can’t even imagine how validating that feels. Yeah, when you’re like my manager always x, y, z and Gordon Ramsay comes in like piss off! Yeah. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Yeah. Yup. Any other thoughts on anything?
Do you think Gordon Ramsay would bite someone’s nose off if they hit his ferrari? He owns like 14 ferraris. He’s a big car head. Yeah. Honestly, I don’t care about cars. Cars don’t mean anything to me.
What I like about it is it’s like a rap god kind of fucking move. That’s not a chef move. That’s like twenty one savage would be like I have a 12 car garage. And Gordon Ramsay just casually owns 14 ferraris. But you would what? You were gonna say?
You’re not a car person but you would what?
I would learn how to fix a ferrari for him.
You’re gonna learn how to fix em? Yeah, in case he needs help. Okay picture this, you’re driving through Scotland and there’s a ferrari on the side of the road. He has his hazards on. He has one of those little…. He has a flare on top of his car. Because he can’t figure out how to… reset… the clock. The clock. On the dashboard. Daylight savings. And they don’t have that in Scotland but he wants to know what time it is in LA. He has his clock on LA time. And he’s freaking out. He doesn’t know what to do. So then I pull over and I’m like oh, I know how to do this. I’ve memorized every ferrari manual.
So are you gonna be cruising the streets of Scotland until Gordon Ramsay is 1. In Scotland with a ferrari? Because presumably his cars are mostly in LA. Okay. Fuck marry kill. Hell’s Kitchen. Kitchen Nightmares. And the SuperBowl Halftime Show. Any SuperBowl Halftime Show? The concept.
I think I’m gonna fuck Hell’s Kitchen, marry Kitchen Nightmares, and kill the SuperBowl Halftime Show. Why would you marry Kitchen Nightmares? I love that show. Isn’t that a divorce waiting to happen? Kitchen Nightmares don’t last. Is that what you want? You want to be divorced? But it’s so fun. There’s always gonna be a failing kitchen. Okay, that’s one way to think about it. As long as there are bad managers out there and bad owners out there. Which there are. Which there always will be. Hell’s Kitchen would just be a fun fuck. Yeah. Ya know there’s like so many places where there could be SuperBowl halftime shows. What do you mean by places? A baseball game, a basketball game, a soccer game. The SuperBowl Halftime Show? The Olympics. It’s only a football thing. Yeah but they could just move it to one of those. They could do the same thing but move it to a different sport. I’m not following your logic but okay. What are you confused about? A monster truck rally, a hockey game. I thought you were saying you’re killing it because it could be in a lot of places.
Yeah.
I’m killing it because they could just do it somewhere else. I’m killing the SuperBowl one specifically for football. But they could just do the same thing for a different sport. They could. Yeah. For the big bball game. March Madness. The bball bash. The March Madness. They’ll do it for that. The last day of March, everyone knows that.
Or they could do it for the uh what’s the baseball game? I remember one year it was like the Red Sox and the Chicago Red Bulls. What’re they called? The Chicago nets. The Cubs. Yeah. The Cubs won. I remember this kid at my job quit his job because he wanted to be in Chicago when it happened. Good for him. He didn’t go to the game or anything. But that seemed important. Why don’t they just? That one was important. That was 2016, I remember when that happened. Why was that such a big deal? Don’t they do it every year? But the Cubs hadn’t won in like 100 years or something. Was it the Red Sox? I don’t remember. But yeah. We could just do it for that game. Instead of the football, they can do it for the baseball game. That’s important. I see. I totally forgot what we were talking about to be honest. We just got into baseball.
I’m gonna fuck Hell’s Kitchen, marry the Halftime Show, kill Kitchen Nightmares because they’re dirty. You’re gonna marry the Halftime Show? Yeah, it’s big and showy. You’re gonna marry it? Yeah it’s like big and showy. Wow. That’s the kind of wedding you want?
Vienna, Vienna is so curled in. She looks like a little fortune cookie. From my end, she just looks like a blob. I can hardly make out her features. I don’t know why she’s sitting like this. She’s all the way in. She looks like she’s inside a pouch that’s part of her body. Like. She looks like a pillow pet. That’s so cute, Vienna. Anyways. We love Gordon Ramsay. We love Ram.