Dancing with the Farts
Hi, I’m Susie and I have pink hair. And I’m ALexis and I’m wearing Crocs. And you’re listening to Jawbreakers, the universe’s best podcast. We find fun little tidbits and conspiracies you won’t find in magazines. We follow snack food mascots like Mr. Peanut and the Keebler elves to make sure they’re staying in their lane. And we do it all while eating candy and hitting juuls.
Jawbreakers.
No, it’s fine.
Hello, loyal listeners to the Jawbreakers podcast. This is your host Susie, one of your hosts. The other one is Alexis. She doesn’t record these intros with me. I don’t know why. I’ve never asked her. Anyway, we watched the Dancing with the Stars finale, which if you’ve talked to us in real life—or at least if you’ve talked to me—you know I’m very angry about and I’ve been yelling about it for weeks. So I’m calling this the endcap of my anger. I’m getting it all out in this episode and we’ll be done with it. We obviously love when you contact us and we got our spotify wrapped for Nermer Nermer/Jawbreakers. And I was really excited because it looks like we have a lot more listeners on Spotify than I realized and it’s just really fun to hear from you guys so feel free to DM us on instagram or any other platform that we exist on, which is many of them. You can also send us an email nermernermernetwork@gmail.com. Plus, shameless plug for the Patreon, as I’ve been doing because it’s really fun and now that it’s been going for a little bit, there’s plenty of back content for you to look at. I’ll remind you of our tiers. We have a $2 tier which is an easy way to support the podcast without too too much commitment but you still get early access to all the episodes. There’s a $6 tier for early access to episodes, it also has bonus episodes, and it’s the first tier with access to the weekly phone background download. There’s also a $13 tier for super hype fans and it was early access, bonus episodes, weekly phone background downloads. It’s got a sticker and signed postcard coming to you in the mail as well as stop motion and podcast filming for like behind-the-scenes on how I do those things so if you want to do any of that on your own creation or production yourself and you don’t want to figure it out from the ground up, you can take some from our book. But ya know, you do have to be a patron for that. Feel free to hit us up on Patreon, that’d be really great. There are some costs to making this podcast. Not many, but some. And it’s really great to have people supporting it so that it doesn’t have to come out of my regular paycheck. So again, thank you so much for listening, even if you can’t give any money, that’s great. We just like having you here and running our numbers up cus stats are fun. And this episode is all about Dancing with the Stars so enjoy the episode.

Um, I succeeded… we set a goal out earlier at some point in this podcast. Mhm. To find out who started the Lana Del Rey genre.
Gasp, and?
And I found an answer, with references. I have like multiple sources that have confirmed this.
Okay.
Mazzy Star.
Yes.
It’s Mazzy Star.
I didn’t think about that. When was Mazzy Star a thing?
90s.
Okay, that’s what I thought.
So I was just listening to them and YouTube automatically played a documentary that was like “you won’t BELIEVE the tragedy that was Mazzy Star.” It was just like
Every other band?
Yeah, didn’t wanna do the label thing. They stopped making music. One of the guys died last year.
I knew that actually, I saw that on their blog.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But then… it was like a ten minute thing that I wasn’t really paying attention to. I was just like playing switch. But then the last like… minute… they were talking about how they influenced people like Lana Del Rey and Lana Del Rey was able to do what she did. And obviously Lana Del Rey has her own following and her whole thing that she’s inspired but they all came from Mazzy Star.
The Mazzy Star songwriter who died had a subtle but profound influence for paving the way for the hazy sound that is Lana Del Rey.
Wow.
It’s also in like in his Wikipedia. It’s just like everywhere.
Wow. Yeah. Good. Yep.
That makes perfect sense.
Yeah, I was so relieved. Cus I’ve been thinking about it but I’ve never nailed it.
Right, cus it is possible that Lana Del Rey just invented music. Speaking of music, today as of this recording, is the day everyone’s Spotify wrapped is going out. We don’t (neither you or I) use Spotify, because we value privacy. That’s why I don’t use Spotify, I won’t speak for you.
Right.
The incident that led me to never use Spotify again? I don’t know, I’ll tell it again. It’s been a while if I have said it on here. In 2012, this kid in one of my classes said “you need to listen to the following songs/bands” and it was kind of like a flirt thing but I wasn’t sure. And he said you can look it up on Spotify. And I did. And in order to make a Spotify account in 2012, I logged in to my Facebook. And what did Facebook do but post every single one of those songs I listened to, as I listened to it. And so he knew that I—I don’t know if he saw it. We never talked about it. But I knew that it was now public info that I went straight home and listened to every single one of these songs he told me to listen to.
Mortifying.
Never listened to anything on Spotify again.
Yeah, why would you?
That is my business.
No one needs to know that.
However, with that said, kinda jealous of the stats people are putting up.
Me too.
Organized by genre and percentage and all that. Love stats. Yeah. But at least no one can see when I’m having a weird day.
Yeah. I don’t want anyone to see my playlists.
My playlists are my business.
Right.
Also, I’ll say it on here because again this is a different group of people than who’s on my Instagram, kind of, ya know, but… my number three artist this year was 6ix9ine. That’s not for just anybody to know.
No one needs to see that.
No. I’ll say it on here because this podcast is the reason I started listening to 6ix9ine. But that’s my business. Also I have a humiliating lack of women in my music I’ve listened to this year. Post Malone, Jack Harlow, Bad Bunny, 6ix9ine, period. That’s it. And then the Hamilton soundtrack. But I have enjoyed seeing people’s spotify wrapped. And a lot… a lot a lot of people have Taylor Swift as their #1 that I’m seeing.
Really? Wow. I’m not surprised.
I have two friends that posted Morgan Wallen as their number one, including one who’s in Morgan Wallen’s top 2%.
That’s absurd.
One of them I knew was a Morgan Wallen fan and the other one really surprised me and now I’m not sure.
Yeah, see, I don’t want to know that about people.
Unless I know them really well.
It is fun to see.
I like seeing it. If I can’t harvest my own data to share, I’ll
You’ll look at everyone else’s.
You put it out there for me to see.
The percentage thing is crazy.
Okay, I was thinking about it though. If Taylor Swift has just for easy numbers, just 100 people listening every year, which we know she has more.
Right.
Being in the top 10%, you’re one of 10 people but if she has 100 million, being in the top 1% is still a million people that are in the top 1% of Taylor Swift’s listeners.
Right, it’s not five people.
Right.
Yeah, I knew someone who was like a friend of mine and he said he met someone and he looked them up on Spotify and found what he thought was their playlist and listened to it and loved it and was like in love and then they were talking. He was finally like oh I found your playlist and she said mmm that’s not me. This is my playlist and it was really lame music. Completely uninterested. Never talked again.
Wow.
But also like, first of all, you did that to yourself. I don’t want someone doing that to me.
I still… I don’t share playlists with people unless they have a CD player. I’ll burn a CD.
Yeah, same.
And if you don’t have a way to listen to it, that’s your fault.
Yeah.
Cus I’m not gonna send you my apple music playlist, cus for one, you probably don’t have apple music and two, I don’t want you seeing my other playlists. My business.
No. Offensive. Weird.
In like 9th grade I googled this kid I had a crush on’s name and found his MySpace that was like deserted and the song he had chosen for his home page I listened to on repeat for months. And he never knew.
That’s upsetting to think you’d find someone’s deserted MySpace.
I don’t think it’s possible anymore.
I don’t think so either. I’ve tried. And I’m sure there’s ways but not by just
Not easily, no. Cus I clicked a picture of him that appeared on Google and it took me to MySpace. So sharing music in that way has been around as long as we’ve had social media probably.
It’s just your own listening… ya know? Like if I post a song it’s my… that’s fine. But if I’m just listening to music…
And I don’t want to see a stream of what other people are listening to right now. It’s already kind of weird when you have friends on Instagram posting that they’re going through a breakup or something but if I had their Spotify too?
They’re just listening to Adele.
Yeah.
Don’t need to know that.
It’s not my business.
Apple music all the way! Also, even on Tinder. Tinder shares your Spotify most listened to. That is not
That’s weird
Okay well maybe not everyone has this problem but if I was listening to something I didn’t want other people to see, I’d probably stop listening to it so it didn’t appear on my Tinder, Facebook, and Spotify apps. But I just want to listen to whatever I want to listen to without any judgment. So I either need to work on being afraid of judgment or… but like… I don’t think… like on Tinder, I don’t want 6ix9ine on my Tinder.
Exactly what I was gonna say. No one needs to know that you listen to 6ix9ine.
That’s not something I would tell someone right off the bat. Absolutely not. It takes a lot of nuance to explain why I listen to so much 6ix9ine.
Yeah, totally.
Like a lot. Lotta context.
I don’t want people to see that I listen to Kanye without me telling them personally. Cus I trust them. And then I know what they’re gonna say to me. But that’s my choice. I also don’t need people to know that I when I used to listen to This Will Be Our Year by the Zombies every single day of March 2020 while I played Homescapes.
Unless you choose to tell them because you have mutual trust.
So um. What’d you do last Monday?
Where do I start? Okay so there’s a bar that I really wanted to watch the Dancing With the Stars finale at.
Once we thought… cus we were gonna watch the finale. I think it was just assumed we were gonna watch the finale.
Well cus we had a plan that we were gonna do an emergency podcast episode if Jojo Siwa gets voted off but obviously she won’t be.
So then at some point the idea came up like how fun would it be to watch at a bar.
And the more I thought about it I was like, yeah that’s genius. There was a bar that I think would have put it on, but they’re closed on Mondays. I went to a different gay bar and it was dinner time and restauranty in there and kind of higher end and that’s fine but I didn’t feel comfortable asking them to put on Dancing with the Stars. And I also… they ended up actually… I had DMd them too before I went in there and they DMd me back hours hours hours after it had already happened and they were like “we would have been able to put it on (feel free to ask at any point) but we wouldn’t have been able to put the sound on.” Which leads me to: I went to the very nearby pub, which you’ve spent more time in.
Yeah.
I’ve never quite… I feel like I’m in someone’s kitchen but it’s also a bar.
In that place? You feel like you’re in someone’s kitchen?
Yes cus I can see
Every part of it?
Yes.
It’s not a place I would consider a dive bar because it’s not like… I don’t know I feel like a dive bar has to have a pool table.
Yeah and it doesn’t. It has like a twelve person occupancy.
Yeah. It feels like you’re in someone’s basement.
Yeah cus it’s not… I guess the furniture isn’t set up like someone’s kitchen at all. There’s still a bar and stools like a kitchen.
But I went in there as a last ditch resort twenty minutes before the finale was supposed to start. I ordered a beer before I asked him because I didn’t want him to think I was using him. And I ordered a beer and asked him if he could put on the Dancing with the Stars finale and he told me flat out without thinking about it… no. And then we both kind of made eye contact and he was like “thanks for asking though, I just can’t put it on because you’re gonna want the sound on.” and I was like “alright, you’re right” and I could tell he felt bad because I didn’t rebut or anything I was just like K.
Mm yeah.
Cus I was disappointed. I was pretty sure he’d put it on because it’s so chill in there. But then he didn’t.
If you had frequented before, he would have. But that place is just a bar of regulars where he’s not gonna let–if some new kid comes in, ya know.
If I had been able to turn and be like “come on Nancy, don’t you think he should put it on?” and Nancy was like “fuck yeah, put it on” I think it would have come on.
Totally. I agree. But I don’t have enough clout there yet.
Cus I’ve been a regular at a bar and they’re playing a sports game and like me and one other regular will team up against the owner and be like “cmon just put on family feud” and then they’ll put it on. And every time we’d go in after that, he’d just put it on the Game Show Network because he knows that’s what we want to watch.
Right cus you’re the paying patrons. Who cares what the kid off the street wants?
Right he knows that the kid off the street might never come back. But he knows that the patrons are gonna come back no matter what so he might as well keep them happy.
So I didn’t have enough clout. And I was stuck trying to drink a Labatt really fast so I could get home to watch Dancing with the Stars. And we watched it at home. On my large screen TV.
Big screen. It’s a flat screen. It’s a plasma.
Yeah, what do you think that is? Thirty inches? Twenty four?
Which way? Wide.
It’s pretty good. Pretty good size TV. I’d watch the game on that.
Yeah I’d watch The Game. Plan. starring Dwayne the Rock Johnson.
Oh I’d definitely watch the Game Plan starring Dwayne the Rock Johnson on it. Yeah and then it was Dancing with the Stars. I’ve never seen an episode before.
Neither have I. We only watched because of Jojo Siwa.
I’ve never even cared for one second what was happening on Dancing With the Stars.
No. Even if it’s a celebrity I like, I don’t actually care.
Right because by the time they’re on there they’re some B list, C-list celebrity. There’s a handful of things if you’ve never watched Dancing with the Stars that you need to know. There’s always a couple people in every season who are definitely going to be eliminated in the first few episodes but they’re fun, they’re novelties.
Right.
Bill Nye comes to mind. He did an entire–what was it? Blinding me with science. Great. That was seasons ago but ya know. There’s a couple novelties. You know he’s not gonna win. There’s always a few athletes. There are enough athletes between all the different sports and all the different teams and all the different players within the teams that you can always have an athlete on Dancing with the Stars, or a few. And they’re fit enough to dance usually, and coordinated.
They understand choreography. The idea of it.
And then like a few actors, who again can take direction. Probably have danced a little bit on their show, even if not intentionally. And that’s pretty much it. I don’t know if there’s like a fourth tier of people on there?
I mean, reality TV. They always have that just because it’s fun.
That’s true, there’s reality TV stars on there, too. I guess that’s what Jojo would technically fall under.
Yeah, I think they refer to her as pop artist but how do you even put Jojo into a…
You can’t put her in a box.
Because she also is just an empire, ya know.
But they’ll have a real Housewife or something, usually.
They’ve had in the past like Kim Khardashian, Snooki, Rob Khardashian.
Wait! *record scratch* pin in Dancing with the Stars for a second unless you have a sentence right now.
I was just wondering if Caitlyn Jenner had been on. I believe she has. Maybe. I don’t know.
We haven’t talked about Pete and Kim on this podcast. Here’s the thing—
We haven’t?
No. Cus we haven’t recorded for like 2 weeks.
I think we did the first time it was said but it wasn’t confirmed yet. Alleged.
Here’s the thing: it’s our job to make fun of Pete Davidson. There’s no jokes left for us to say. There’s not one.
Yeah, it’s pretty unfair.
That’s our job. We’ve been doing it for longer.
We’ve been doing it for like a year and half. Yeah that’s our job to make fun of Pete Davidson.
And now everyone else gets to. Right. Now everyone’s just jumping on the make fun of Pete train. They weren’t even at Clusterfuck when he was–
They didn’t see him live
–reading the script of Weekend Update and we knew. While he was doing a live standup show. In what, 2017? We’ve been making fun of Pete Davidson before most people. Clearly he was already a celebrity by the time we were aware of him but ya know. We’ve been making fun of him before Ariana Grande.
Yeah.
But I’m disappointed because I’d love to come on here and say oh, he looks like a line cook and so does Machine Gun Kelly but someone already said it. I’d love to come on here and say isn’t it funny that he wore the Make Kanye 2006 again hat on Weekend Update but somebody already shared that clip. Right.
You could make fun of when he went to dinner with Kanye and he had to pay for everybody and Kim was there. Oh I forgot about that. People already brought it up!
I feel like we were robbed, kind of. Yeah, it’s funny. I guess.
Flavor Flav broke the news. Wait, that actually is important. I’ve been following Flav for like a year because I watched Flavor of Love last year while I was unemployed during a pandemic because I ran out of television that I wanted to watch. So I clicked on Flavor of Love, watched it, followed all the girls and Flav. I’ve been following him and he posts some ridiculous stuff. I mean, he’s a retired hype man. Yeah. So he posts with celebrities I’ve heard of but no one’s talked about since 2003. He posts his sobriety journey. He’s Flavor Flav for fuck’s sake.
And he’s like what… 60? Yeah.
Nothing that actually is relevant to my life but I’ve just never unfollowed him. So I see his posts and I must interact enough because top of my fucking page, within an hour of him posting it I think, was the picture of Flav, Kris Jenner, Pete Davidson, and Kim Khardashian. Everyone but Flav was wearing the pajamas–are they Kim’s pajama line or something?
I think it might have been.
And then the second slide is Flav and Pete and in the caption he’s like “That’s my adopted son!” and it was a very confirmational step in the tabloid Kim K/Pete Davidson drama. And it was on Flavor Flav’s instagram. I never–
That’s absurd!
I’ve never seen him post with a Khardashian, never seen him post with Pete Davidson.
And he’s allegedly his dad. Never seen him post with Lorne. I was gonna say which is really… you can’t say that. Lorne is his fake dad, not you.
Until you take him to Jamaica for Christmas. Which Flav would. But I think Pete would pay for that, right? Pete has to be making more money than Flavor Flav at this point.
I don’t know.
Kim pays for it. Yes.
To send Flav and Pete to Jamaica.
It was just a funny cute photo. If there wasn’t all this other tabloid meme culture around it… because Pete Davidson is tall and Flavor Flav is short.
Also Flav’s like going through his sobriety thing and Pete’s just drinking a corona.
Yeah. What a dick.
All of it’s just a lot. It was very exciting. I did feel on the cutting edge of news when I saw that post. I saw it organically.
You didn’t see TMZ share it. You follow–if Flavor Flav was private. Oh that’d be powerful. And you were there.
I was there. I remember where I was when Flavor Flav posted. Everyone remembers where they were when Flavor Flav posted a picture of Pete Davidson and Kim K.
Yeah. Was Flavor Flav ever on Dancing with the Stars??
No, but he’d be great. He’d be one of those ones like he’s not gonna get far. Right. But it’d be fun.
They could do a whole number with clocks. Oh, he let Pete wear the clock.
He’s never let anyone and he let Pete. You know the whole thing about like the demon monster went from Katy Perry to Miley, I think Beyonce maybe had it at some point. I forget exactly but it’s basically that. And someone told me the other day–
Wait it’s like when they go through an acting out phase but it’s not all at the same time and you can trace it so they line up, yeah.
So someone said that now it’s in Demi Lovato. And I’m like okay, I get that. But I think it might be in Pete Davidson. He wore Flavor Flav’s clock. It doesn’t have to be in a woman. No, it might be in Pete. Yikes. Wow.
Who is Pete’s Dad? Lorne or Flav? Who is the father? Pete Davidson–instead of Lil Nas X going on Maury, which I never watched by the way, did you? No. I guess. That’s the kind of antics that I didn’t even understand enough to want to get behind. I don’t like bringing in Maury as a paid actor.
I agree with that. Maury’s kind of gross. Instead of Lil Nas X going on Maury, it should be Pete to find out who’s the father. Yeah. It’s gonna be Lorne. I hope so but what if it’s a third person we don’t even know about? Kenan. It’s not Kenan.
It’s not Kenan. Kenan’s not taking him on. Right so. That. That happened. And it’s not even ours to report because you’ve all heard it already. High profile. This is a Pete Davidson podcast. Always has been, always will be.
If we got Pete on the podcast, would we just end it? Final episode. Interview with Pete Davidson. Yeah. No that’s completely fair. Until then, we’ll be here every week. I think that’s completely fair. Cus how do you go up from there? That’s it, yeah. That’s peak. And then I also think anyone coming across the feed would understand. Oh, they got Pete Davidson.
Oh by the way, Easter Egg for Nikki if you’re listening to this, text us the word cucumber. I’m just trying to see if she listens still. Once again, no she doesn’t but we want you back, Nikita. We’ll be here.
Alright, so Jojo Siwa’s on Dancing with the Stars. Do you think you’ll watch Dancing with the Stars again? No. So it’s similar to American Idol where the judges say what they want but they don’t actually have a choice, at least in the finale. I can’t say for other episodes. Didn’t watch em. It’s America who votes. Does America vote on the Voice too? They definitely vote but I don’t know how metrics are weighed with the judges. The judges. In the beginning the judges choose and then they have their teams and then it’s voting, I think. Yeah so maybe… maybe I just forgot how shows like that work because they’re trash. Yeah! It’s kind of stupid. Like really dumb. And in the finale, I think it was because it was the finale, because they do this on all their shows I watch like drag race and stuff but they were giving everybody fucking tens. Tens tens tens tens tens tens tens. Shut up! You’re the judge. Give a four.
They need a–they don’t have a hard judge. They don’t have a hard judge. They have three drunk people. So drunk. I don’t know their names really. One of them is Carrie Ann. Carrie Ann’s drunk.
I think one of em’s Tony and he doesn’t sit down. Tony’s always standing, yeah. And then there’s another guy who’s a pervert. Yes. And another girl. Who might be drunk. Carrie Ann fully stood on the table at one point and she was like YEEEAHHH!!!
She had drunk girl behavior. Yeah and they would like pan over to her and she’d be alike aha. Yeah, no, that was fun to watch but as a separate show. And also the dancers, I didn’t realize, repeat. So like. Jojo’s partner Jenna won a few seasons ago so you could potentially be watching that show and be rooting for certain dancers who already won and have a track record. Also I don’t know if there’s like a fantasy football league for Dancing with the Stars but you could weigh the stats of the dancers against the stars. Oh interesting. You could place money. Oh totally. I would have placed money that Jojo was gonna win.
Yeah. Yes. Because. What Jojo Siwa did on this season of Dancing with the Stars is unlike what any of those shows have had the privilege of featuring. Never before on American Idol, the voice, there’s been some variations. There’s been trans people on singing shows, etc. But to take a male/female couple structure and say I’m gonna have a girl partner is in itself an act of bravery and just an exciting thing to watch. Yeah.
Unfortunately, during the recaps during this finale, they had the judges, I realized that week after week the judges have APPARENTLY been saying “wow that’s so cool. You can do what a man can do when you’re dancing.” But Jojo Siwa’s not a man. Jojo Siwa is a girl dancer. And Jenna is also a woman. It is two women dancing and it’s bad ass. Sometimes they dress the same. Sometimes Jojo Siwa is Prince Charming and Jenna’s a princess. They had to figure out how to have two girls.
Like who’s gonna lead?
Yeah. All of that. Having to set the groundwork for that. Was so much more work than anybody else in that show put in. It’s not even about homosexuality because it’s not that. They’re not in a romantic relationship. Jenna’s an adult woman with a husband. But it’s about the fact that they decided to stop playing this weird little heteronormative game and do something really exciting and cool. Plus, they can both fucking dance.
Yeah!
Jojo can dance. It’s what she does. But also like, she’s not a ballroom dancer which is why she was allowed to be submitted as a contestant. She did have to learn dance moves that she’s never done before. She had to do all kinds of training. I obviously watch all of her stories on Instagram every single day and she had to go through a lot of hard work to get to where she was. It’s not like oh she can dance and that’s why she got this far.
Also after yeah she was in Dance Moms and all that when she was a kid. She didn’t go on to become a professional. No, she does like fun dances. And she’s definitely in shape but so are a lot of people on that show. Including… Iman Shumpert. Who I wouldn’t have any beef with if it weren’t for the judges of this show I don’t think. I’m sure he’s fine. I also think he could have won a different season. He’s an NBA player and he’s tall and strong. And every season there’s somebody who’s tall and strong and their entire wow moments in all of their dances come from the taller, stronger person (the man), lifting or throwing or stunting the girl. That’s cool and everything but that’s because of your muscle mass, not because of your talent. You’re 6’5” or whatever. And they’ve had that for thirty seasons. And they tried. They tried to scheme us.
Because get this, listeners. Jojo Siwa lost.
I know.
They announced fourth place, everyone claps. Third place, everyone claps. First place, everyone claps. Jojo Siwa and Jenna didn’t even fucking get to have a clap because they were the runners up. That is…
I just. I don’t believe that the votes were in his favor. Who? What NBA fan is watching Dancing with the Stars en masse? The gays were watching Dancing with the Stars that night. And the kids. And their parents. The Dance Moms fans. That’s like 5 different audiences. I don’t think the NBA was watching Dancing with the Stars last Monday. I don’t think they were.
Iman and his dance partner, Jojo and her dance partner, both got tens on their dances that they prepared for that episode. Across the board. So they were tied. I want a recount. I really want a recount. Also Jojo wanted to win so bad. Iman literally just wanted to flex at a party. He even said as much at one point, I’m pretty sure. Now I can really say I’ve got the moves or whatever.
Jojo was setting a precedent of acceptance and loving yourself that no one else was representing. And they went through the final four couples and showed the dancer and the celebrity. All of them had a oh-we’ve-had-a-fun-few-weeks-together sort of dynamic. Jojo and Jenna are gonna have graves next to each other. Yeah, they’re gonna be at holiday parties together. When Jojo gets married, if Jojo gets married, Jenna’s gonna be in the party. They’re gonna have houses next to each other. Their kids are gonna be best friends. They’re gonna work together again. Yeah. Yes. Ugh, I’m so mad.
It’s absolutely absurd. And I really really really really really think the reason they didn’t want to give it to them is because they didn’t want to push the envelope on the two girl thing. Yeah. It’s. Discrimination.
They wanted to be like oh look at how woke we are blah blah blah but they can’t win. Do you think there would have been uproar if they won? Who fucking cares? They would have had some sort of response. Oh sure but all that means is they care more about losing their fucking shithead followers than they do about losing their gay followers who have never even watched that show before. I might have continued to watch–okay, no I wouldn’t have unless there was another same sex partnership. Like I’m literally not going to unless they have another thing like that. But ya know! I’ve never watched that show before. Jojo Siwa made me want to watch that show for the first fucking time. It’s been on the entire time I’ve been alive.
She was the first one they announced. Otherwise I might not have even known there was another season of Dancing with the Stars. Because it’s just a melting pot.
And she’s a good. Dancer. They were amazing. And, we said this the other day, Iman Shumpert is a viable second place. He did a great job. He’s not a bad dancer. I did think that the stunting or whatever shouldn’t have gotten him first place but he was doing other stuff and he did have rhythm and so did his partner. I’m not saying he didn’t deserve to rank. They even tried to–those fucking shits. They tried to spin it as some revolutionary thing. The first time an NBA player has won the show. Okay, don’t care. There’s always an NBA player in the finals. Why do you think they don’t win? Because they’re just lifting people. Right. They’re not doing the intricate steps of Jojo Siwa and Jenna Johnson. Team J Nation all the way dude. Also truly the world has Jenna to thank for Jojo looking like an adult for the first time in her life.
Yeah, Jojo grew up. We all saw the AMAs photos. She has a glamor look. She’s in a dress. Hair down. Styled. She looks like an adult. Jojo went through a breakup. Jenna was there. She danced it out. You can’t make up that kind of friendship. They had serious chemistry. That’s the word. Chemistry. Nobody else had that kind of chemistry. I don’t care how many times Carrie Ann stands on the table and drunk yells. I don’t care. Yeah no.
I could not believe. They never ever got past–I get the first episode, you’re impressed that it’s two girls. Also I was impressed with every dance the way that they made it work. Two pink ladies? Absolutely incredible. For Grease night? They never stopped looking at that and starting looking at the fact that they were actually dancing well.
Yeah. It reminds me of… did you ever watch the show Beauty and the Geek? No. It reminds me of that. Do you know what it was? No, please tell me. It was like a dating show and so they would get a bunch of like hot girls and really geeky guys and match them up. I think they would have challenges and stuff and get eliminated. And then they date. Then one season they had Beauty and the Geeks and they’re introducing all the couples–they weren’t dating prior to the show. They get matched up in the house. Then they introduce the last couple and it’s a hot dude and a geek girl. Whoa. Obviously the hot dude just starts banging all the other girls, the hot girls. Wait, they’re all in a house together. Yeah! Jesus Christ.
They didn’t get far. I’ve never heard of this. They got far but they didn’t, nothing happened. But just the way that they would interview them reminds me of this. Just like super reductionist. They never sucking saw past it. It’s insulting. Just the way they spoke was homophobic. They didn’t actually say anything homophobic but the way that they address Jojo in general was fucked up.
I can’t believe two girls could do this. Yeah! It was… oh my god wait. The crown jewel. Okay so again, Dancing with the Stars is super heteronormative, super upsetting. We went back and watched one episode of the season from 2013 and the first song was Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke. Yup. And they were pervy about it. So disgusting. The male dancer was like creeping behind the girl. Like they knew it was a pervert song and they did it anyway. Absolutely disgusting. And that tone has been subdued probably because of the #metoo movement and everything else but it’s still that same show. They need to destroy the show and rebuild it if it’s gonna work. Right. With any other audience besides gross. But this woman… was it Carrie Ann or was it the other one? I think it was the other one. She wanted to express to Jojo how inspired she was by Jojo’s trailblazing ability to have a girl partner.
And what she said was… she decided to list some other famous female influencers. She said Joan of Arc. Greta Gerwig. And now you, Jojo Siwa.
And Alexis and I both screamed. I have never heard anything like that in my entire life. It was insane. Because she, on the one hand, that’s a high compliment. A really high compliment. On the other hand, you don’t know any other women? Those are the only women you’ve ever heard of? Right, she could have said like…
Joan of Arc is from the 1400s. She could have said Madonna. Lady Gaga. But she choose someone from the 1400s and someone who got the most Oscar nominations in 2018. That was all she had. Yeah, if your judges can name two women and it’s Joan of Arc and Greta Gerwig, I mean great. Sure. Influential women. That’s already rigged against the pair that is two girls. And honestly, I’m gonna call misogyny if there’s a two boy couple and they win. Sorry, you really fucked up not letting Jojo win because she fucking had winning material and…
And we talked about this but you know that Dancing with the Stars was like “Jojo will you be on DWTS” and she was like “I’m not gonna be with a boy.” That was Jojo’s idea. It had to have been. There was that movie she’s making where she says I’m not gonna kiss a boy. And that was around the same time. That that interview came out where she said she wouldn’t kiss a boy in the movie and the announcement that she would be on Dancing with the Stars. Sorry I’m picturing we get I’m with Her signs but we put bows all over them. And put them in our window.
It’s important to use our energy for good and not evil so I think this is a good idea.
I think I’m gonna be Jojo Siwa for Halloween next year. It’d be easy. Yeah, it’d be fun too. Just a high pony and a bow. Fun makeup. The star and the heart! I want to do the star and the heart really bad. Absolutely insane makeup. I was in complete shock. They should cancel it. They should cancel the show.
What’re they gonna follow up with? Honestly, also, the way that every judge and most contestants on that show are misogynist as fuck, I think they should have only girl partners from here on out. Yeah. That one episode we watched from 2013, there was so many things in it that were like ew women are props in this show. It didn’t matter if they were the star or the dancer. It was horrifying.
Like the dancer they paired up with Bill Nye looked so uncomfortable. Yeah. And he said something about how like there has to be a sexual tension between us for this to work. And she wasn’t like stoked he said that. She didn’t even play it off well. She was just clearly uncomfortable. Yeah. And then there was this other dancer guy who was completely shirtless the whole time in like a weird rape culture way to be perfectly honest. It didn’t help that the episode opened with Blurred Lines. But he wasn’t even the Blurred Lines guy! He was just shirtless even when he was at the side of the stage. He never put a shirt on. But yeah, it’s like… you can feel those 2013 undertones still. Obviously. It’s the same judges; it’s the same show. None of them have been through sensitivity training, I’m sure of it. No!
I hope–you know how like now Jojo makes content where it’s kind of like a slight at Dance Moms? I want her to do that with this. She should. Or like she has a movie where someone is being disgusting. She can do it in a good way. But like, maybe people need to know. Has anyone talked about how disgusting it is? I don’t think so because I don’t think that it is… nobody watches it?
Right, yeah. I think it’s just throw away TV. I hate it. They should have a Gay dancing with the Stars that’s better. Who would be the judges? My first thought is some of the drag race judges. My first thought is Todrick Hall. He’s a dancer who is somewhat problematic but that would still be in line. Maybe an actual drag queen, one who is known for dancing. Kennedy Davenport. Then you could have someone who is just a good hype.
Adam Lambert?
Yeah or even like Sam Smith. Wait… not Levine. Not Adam Levine. No.
When I went to the gay bar and I was gonna ask them to put on the TV, they showed a Maroon 5 video that I’ve never seen before and it was just Adam Lamert like fucking naked the whole time. And I was like huh maybe he is… Adam Levine. Adam Levine, thank you. Maybe people do find him attractive. Which is weird because I consider that straight culture. It was the day after I sent a picture of a Maroon 5 flag and said I was gonna fly a straight flag. Anyhoo. Yeah, they could definitely get some judges together and yeah they could have it on VH1 or something. Call it Starring with the Dance.
Yeah I don’t know what they’re gonna do for next season. Are they gonna try to have another? If they don’t, it’s over. Literally just cancel that fucking show. It’s garbage. Right they’re just gonna randomly do it with Jojo Siwa and not let her win and then they’re just gonna move on like it never happened? Like they never stole?
I feel so bad for Jojo. Thank God Jojo has Jenna now. It’s just unfair. And just incorrect, too. Yeah, they did so good! They looked like poster children for the show. Like what it’s supposed to be.
I need a cigarette. I’m stressed. Yeah so. I would have liked to watch it at a bar. But when it was not them and we were both just sitting here in shocked silence. That would have been bad. Kinda glad we weren’t at a bar.
Honestly? Kind of felt like the election of 2016. Yeah it yeah it did. Cus you just thought. It was so obvious. It was so obvious. Also no one misconstrue that. Iman Shumpert’s not Trump. It has nothing to do with Iman Shumpert. It has everything to do with Jojo Siwa being poised to lead. I hope they know this is Jojo’s low point in her career and she’s gonna look back and say “what a waste of my talents. I had a great time but they didn’t even know what they were missing.” Yeah. They had no idea how high she could fly.
Alright, fuck marry kill. Mhm. Pete Davidson. Wait a minute! The other night. Was this the thing you were… was the Lana Del Rey thing the thing you wanted to tell me? Oh okay good.
Pete Davidson, Lana Del Rey, and Carrie Ann the judge of Dancing with the Stars. I don’t have very strong feelings about two of those three people. I think I have to kill Carrie Ann. That’s fair enough. What’re you gonna do? Marry? No. Fucking her is unethical, she’s drunk. Probably fuck Lana Del Rey and marry Pete Davidson which is pretty wacky.
I don’t think I could be married to Lana Del Rey. Honestly I think I would marry Lana Del Rey and fuck Pete Davidson. I don’t think I could be married to Pete Davidson. Sigh.
Didn’t think about it like that did ya?
I didn’t. You were thinking about the pool party. I was thinking about the pool party. Yeah. Lorne’s there. At some point, I’m sure we must have gone through who is at the Pete Davidson pool party. Yeah. Dratch. End game Dratch. And now Flavor Flav.